How to Raise Kids Who Aren’t Assholes: Science-Based Strategies for Better Parenting from Tots to Teens by Melinda Wenner Moyer can help just about anyone be a better parent. Like her, you are not likely to become a perfect parent with perfect kids, but you can profit from the extensive research and expert interviews she conducted. If you have kids still at home, be sure to get a copy as well as copies for any adult children who have kids.

Introduction

• Over the years, Melinda has engaged in a great deal of research in order to write parenting articles for major publications. She has found that this effort has made her a better parent. The purpose of this book is to share what she has learned with. More than anything, parents want to raise children who are kind. In surveys of what parents want their children to be, kindness comes before intelligence and work ethic. Parents play a key role, but not the only role in child development so it’s vital that their role is as positive as possible. People who are kind, helpful, and generous are happier, more successful, and make more money. (Doug: Being nice is really a selfish thing to do as if you take care of yourself, you can do more for others.)

Part I Traits
1. “It’s All About ME!” How to Raise Kids Who Aren’t (Overly) Selfish

• Kids can be very self-centered. This is natural as their frontal lobes haven’t fully developed. Start with helping kids understand their emotions and how to recognize the emotions of others. Kids with good emotional recognition generally experience better outcomes in many areas. You can ask about the emotions of characters when you read to kids or just do it in the daily run of life, including your own emotions. When you discipline a child, include emotions. Explain how emotions affect others.
• Letting kids help around the house can take more time, but it’s important. Make sure that their tasks go beyond cleaning up their room and helping everyone in the house. Look for opportunities for kids to help in the community and try to let them have some choice. Don’t just bark orders. Explain anything that you ask them to do. Be a role model. Point out the good stuff and the bad stuff that you do.

2. “This Is Too Hard.” How to Raise Kids Who Are Ambitious, Resilient, and Motivated

• In this chapter Melinda draws on the works of Carol Dweck’s Mindset and Angela Duckworth’s Grit that are both summarized here. It’s key that you compliment kids for effort rather than intelligence. If they think they are smart, they are less likely to take on challenges where they run the risk of looking “not smart.” How hard you try impacts how smart you become. Grit is a combination of passion for something, enough self-control so you work at it on a regular basis, the ability to work through and learn from mistakes, and a belief that what you are doing matters.
• You should expect your kids to pick at least one extracurricular activity each year and stick with it until the year ends. Unfortunately, some such activities are expensive. Any accomplishment tends to motivate and leads to a success spiral. Kids tend to procrastinate as their pre-frontal cortexes aren’t fully developed. Try to make tasks that seem too difficult seem fun or less scary. Help them recognize and eliminate distractions and create a good working environment. Rewards can stifle intrinsic motivation but are ok as a surprise after something is accomplished. Acknowledge their feelings and give choices when possible, even for chores. They are more likely to be motivated if they feel less controlled.

3. “You’re Dumb and Ugly!” How to Raise Kids Who Don’t Bully – and Who Help Those Who Are Bullied

• Most parents worry about their kids being bullied, but few give thought to the notion that their kids might do some bullying. Research shows that one in three do some bullying and one in six engage in cyberbullying. Bullying is a continuum, and a kid can be a bully one day and be bullied the next. Bullying is something that is repeated and deliberate, and it involves an imbalance of power. It is often done to boost social stature. Among girls, it often involves exclusion or rumor spreading. (Watch the “Mean Girls” movie with your kids.) Kids often bully as a misguided way to deal with their anger.
• Cyberbullying may have the same causes, but it differs in that it can happen at a distance any time of day, and it usually leaves a digital footprint that can be shared with parents or teachers. Bullying can also have long-term effects, such as depression and low self-esteem. Parents should talk to kids about bullying so they know it when they see it and know that it is not ok. Encourage them to do what they can to help a victim when they see bullying happen. Help them learn how to deal with anger. There is advice here for what to do if you discover that your child has been bullying others or is being bullied themselves. Schools play a big role here, so make sure your school has a plan or a program for dealing with it.

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Making Homeschool PE Class Fun by Craig Middleton offers ideas for parents who homeschool their children by choice. His suggestions are also good for parents who want to add exercise options beyond what their kids get at school. His advice on nutrition is also good for all parents. Remember, all parents are teachers weather they homeschool or not.

Introduction

• Homeschooling is becoming more popular and can be both stressful and rewarding. (Doug: During the pandemic, many more parents have been homeschooling, but not by choice.) In addition to the core subjects of math, reading, and writing, an often overlooked requirement is Physical Education. Not all states require an organized PE curriculum, but any well-rounded education includes some form of the subject.
• Going outside to play is a fantastic way to fulfill your state’s requirements while still teaching your children safe behaviors. There’s no need for a formal schedule or events. All you have to do now is get your kids going and have some fun while doing it.
• Go outside and play with your kids if you live in the country or a neighborhood with playgrounds or popular play areas, or if you have a large yard. Yes, you can send your kids outside to play if they’re old enough, but setting a good example by going outside and being involved with them is even better. To be frank, adults need to get out and exercise more as well. It’s good for mental health and overall health, and it sets a good example for your children. Here are a few ideas to keep things interesting during your home PE sessions.

Indoor Activities

• If you are a homeschooler of an older child, you can do more focused activities such as weight lifting, yoga, meditation, and nutritional meal planning. You can even investigate the possible benefits of supplements like protein powder, spices, and vitamins. For the younger kids, think more along the line of games like hopscotch, hot lava, or an obstacle course. Beginning yoga is a fun way to get kids to stretch and control movement. Simon Says a classic that involves listening skills and movement. Sometimes, a good old-fashioned pillow fight will leave you all breathless and in fits of laughter.
• Don’t skimp on nutritional activities with the younger ones either. Let them help you plan and make simple meals. Hands-on activities will cement the message and teach lasting skills. You don’t necessarily have to stay home either. If it’s a rainy day, consider a trip to the local bowling alley or roller rink. Many towns also have indoor play areas set up with safe games and activities that should be opening soon. They may even offer homeschooler discounts on group admissions.

Outdoor Activities

• Everybody needs fresh air. Options for outdoor activities for PE classes are almost endless. Pretty much anything that gets you moving is fair game. Riding bikes can be a great way to get exercise and teach the rules of the road. Relay races and obstacle courses are other favorites with kids of all ages. An excellent way to teach conservation and get some fresh air is to go for a hike in the woods. Have them collect objects like rocks, nuts, or leaves to examine later. Trips to parks or lakes are other fun options. Just remember to practice safety on the water. Don’t forget to take your frisbees and sports gear for impromptu games. You also might find disc golf courses where you live.

Co-op Activities

• Most communities have organizations that offer cooperative homeschooling activities, including PE classes. These can be official organizations or simply a few families that get together to play games. These afford more opportunities for team activities like basketball, baseball, and soccer. Many times, recreation centers may offer their spaces free of charge to homeschoolers, giving access to equipment that may be challenging to obtain otherwise. Co-ops are excellent places for you and your kids to make friends and socialize while fulfilling an important educational requirement.

Organized Sports

• Most states and communities allow homeschooled children to participate in organized sports through their local school systems. They will still be subject to any tryouts or requirements, but these programs could be a good way to play sports that most homeschoolers can’t provide. They also will fulfill the necessary PE requirements. If the local schools aren’t an option, most cities also offer intermural sports organizations kids can participate in that aren’t associated with public schools. AAU teams also accept homeschooled students.

Final Thoughts

• When developing your homeschool curriculum, it’s important to remember some of the non-core subjects like PE, art, and music. Homeschooling can be very rewarding and a great way to give a wonderful education to your children. Make it fun!

Craig Middleton

• Craig is a New York City-based retired business consultant, who is an expert in education and cultural trends. He has a Masters of Business Administration and a Masters in Education from St. Johns and loves sharing his knowledge on the side through his writing. If you have any questions or comments you can direct them to Craig at craigmiddleton18@gmail.com.

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Medical Binder Printables to Keep Your Health Records Organized by Cristina Thorson offers forms you can use to keep track of your medical information so you can easily share it with your physicians rather than just talking about how you feel and neglecting what you can’t remember. Thanks, Cristina.

Introduction

• Whether you’re suffering from a chronic condition, wanting to keep your health information in order, or are somewhere in between, keeping a medical binder on hand can be beneficial. Having a medical binder not only helps you stay more organized, but it can also act as the single source of truth in case of an emergency.
• Thinking about possible “what-ifs” is never fun to do, but making sure you’re prepared for emergencies can make a worst-case scenario a little easier to manage. Use the medical binder printables to start putting together your own health binder. It might save your life one day.

Basic Health Information Sheet

• On a basic health information sheet, you should include the standard information that you might need to receive medical treatment. Usually, when you go in for an appointment, the healthcare clinic will need to have this information on file before you receive treatment.
• The information needed is your full name, emergency contact information, allergies, date of birth, blood type, and any immunization records. Keeping this information up to date and on file can save time if you decide to transfer doctors, or if you start going to a specialized healthcare professional.

Medication Tracker

• According to WebMD, about half the American population takes an average of four prescription pills. Some medications have conflicting effects which can have deadly consequences. If you keep track of your own medications, it will make it easier for doctors to ensure that they won’t prescribe anything that will have adverse effects on your health.
• Documenting your own medications can also help you and your doctor figure out what has worked in the past, and what hasn’t. It can help you avoid repeating medications, especially if you work with a new doctor or you haven’t been to a medical professional in a while.

• Keeping track of your blood pressure can save you a world of problems. Hypertension (or high blood pressure) has damaging effects over time, and many are unaware that they even have it. To record your own blood pressure, you should purchase a home blood pressure monitor.
• It’s best to avoid caffeine and exercise at least 30 minutes before you measure, and try to measure at the same time every day. Self-monitoring is actually recommended by the American Heart Association for people with high blood pressure treatments. Even though home monitoring isn’t an adequate substitute for visits, it can be helpful when healthcare professionals are trying to gauge the effectiveness of their treatments.



• It’s useful to be aware of your own medical conditions before a big life transition, like moving homes, leaving for college, or even planning for retirement. The temporary instability during these time periods may cause medical conditions to flare up. These changes may also influence your healthcare provider or the access to healthcare that you receive.
• Start surveying the information in advance of these changes so you’re not overwhelmed during the transitionary period. Make sure your information is up-to-date and easily understood. Many use their smartwatches or their phones to log health information, but you could also try an alternative tracking method, like our printable sheets.

Cristina Thorson

• Cristina is a part-time content writing intern at Siege and a full-time student at Boston University. She enjoys exploring new pockets of cities, culture, and cat websites (as well as alliterative expressions). In her spare time, she can be found reading books, commenting on movies, and writing anything from advertising copy to feminist satire.

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Noise: A Flaw in Human Judgement by Daniel Kahneman, Oliver Sibony, and Cass Sunstein details how noise and bias result in errors in judgment. From our courts to fields as diverse as medicine and insurance they show how noise leads to unfair and harmful results. They also provide ways to identify noise and techniques that any organization can use to reduce it. This book is a must for any professional development library. (10-15 minute read)

Introducion: Two Kinds of Error

• Whenever you look at human judgments, you are likely to find noise. From the courtroom to medicine to forecasts to forensics and personal decisions our lives are full of noise. This book will help you recognize it and give some tips for getting rid of at least some of it. Start with an analogy that features targets and groups of shooters to see the difference between noise and bias If shots are scattered all over the target, that’s noise. It the shot are all in the lower right, that’s bias.

Part I: Finding Noise

1. Crime and Noisy Punishment

• We start with the noise associated with crime and the sentencing of the guilty parties. In 1973, Marvin Frankel, a famous judge, realized that people committing the same crime were getting vastly different sentences depending on who the judge was. Judges gave harsher sentences when they were hungry and the day after their team lost. Blacks got harsher sentences and people are less likely to be granted asylum when it’s hot. The sentencing reform act of 1984 helped narrow the differences, but the Supreme Court struck it down in 2005 and discrepancies increased again. Female and Democrat judges are more lenient.

2. A Noisy System

• Here we encounter he basic tool called the noise audit that all organizations need to consider. Its essence is to have many people look at the same information and make independent judgments. The variance in these judgments will give you a sense of the magnitude of the noise in the system. The authors use the median difference from the mean in the audit as a measure of noise. Keep in mind that errors do not cancel out, they add up. In many cases, the person making a judgment might as well be chosen by lottery. It’s important not to confuse judgment with taste or opinion. It’s important to have people with different perspectives when you are trying to solve a problem.

3. Singular Decisions

• Singular decisions are those that don’t recur with any great frequency. Getting married or buying a house are examples. While they are not free from the factors that produce noise, the definition of noise does not apply and you can’t do a noise audit. Practices that reduce error for recurrent decisions should be just as effective when it comes to singular decisions.

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Relocating: Helping Your Children Learn in a New Environment by Amanda Winstead offers great advice for parents who have to move. It’s now easy for children, but here are some things to ease the pain. Thanks. Amanda.

Introduction

• Moving can be the beginning of a new adventure. It can be a chance to start fresh. It can also be an opportunity to expand your network of friends and colleagues. Moving to a new location holds all sorts of potential — it is what you make of it.
• Unfortunately, many kids don’t see moving in that light. For many, the idea of moving to a new place is terrifying. It is taking them away from something they know and are comfortable with and putting them into a completely new situation. This means a new bedroom, a new school, and new friends. Starting over is enough to make any child struggle.
• Thankfully, there is a lot parents can do to help make the transition a bit easier. Helping children adapt quickly and successfully to their new home and life is key to keeping kids on the right track. Taking the time to help them work through the emotions associated with such a large change can also help everyone in the family begin to adapt to a new home.

Preparing for a Big Move

• Perhaps one of the most important things you can do as a parent to help your child adjust to a big move and a new school is to start the conversation early. Just like adults, children need time to process the idea of a big change in their lives. Surprising them with something like that and not allowing time for the news to really sink in is asking for trouble and anxiety in your kid.
• Moving is stressful — there’s no doubt about that — but kids are extremely perceptive when it comes to your emotional well-being. If you want them to have a positive attitude about the move, you must do as well. Of course, this doesn’t mean that you avoid talking about the things that make them nervous or that will be hard, but it does mean trying to focus on the things that won’t change such as still having recess or a packed lunch and the benefits of moving like choosing their own bedroom.
• As with most adults, the core of a child’s fear about moving tends to be related to a lack of control in the situation. Do your best to give them whatever control you can and help them feel involved in the decision-making process. This can be as simple as letting them choose how they decorate their new bedroom or picking out their backpack and extracurricular activities. It can also mean getting them involved with packing their things and deciding if there are toys or clothing they don’t want to take with them to the new place.

Making the Time to Make it Home

• If you can choose where you are moving, it will be worth taking the opportunity to look into the quality of the schools in the area. It may come as a surprise, but children are frequently more successful in school districts that have a smaller number of students. Smaller towns rather than big metro areas can provide more one-on-one interaction opportunities between students and teachers because the classroom sizes are typically smaller.
• To help relieve some of the anxiety associated with going to a new school, try to take some of the mystery out of it before the first day. Take your children to explore the school, the playground, and what their walk home from school will be like if you’re close enough for that. Likewise, set up a meeting with teachers and school administration staff. Anything that helps the new location feel more familiar to your child and gives them an idea of what to expect will be a benefit on the first day.
• As your child starts their new school, it is valuable to stay involved and assess how things are going. Set aside time after school every day to see how their day went and listen closely to the things they have to say. Ask questions to keep them talking. If there are opportunities, see if they are interested in inviting some of the new kids they’ve met for a playdate which can help facilitate them making new friends.

Other Moving Opportunities

• Depending upon the age of your child, there may be an abundance of other ways to help them get involved. For instance, maybe you are moving to a new area where there are more types of extracurricular activities outside of school than there were previously. For instance, maybe the nearby city pool has a swim team they can get involved in or the library has a children’s book club. Although some of these activities aren’t directly tied to the school, they can help your children settle into the new place and make friends more quickly.
• Some older students may want to opt out of doing the new school thing altogether. If you feel that it would be a good fit for your child, you could look into e-learning. Doing school online can open up several opportunities to take different or more challenging courses than what is offered at the new school. Of course, going online isn’t for every student — it is important to evaluate whether or not your high school-aged child would be successful or flounder in this environment before making that decision.
• Moving to a new area and starting your child in a new school can be hard on everyone. Helping your children adjust is an important step in successfully adapting to a new school. Doing things such as giving them time to prepare, showing them around the school before the first day, and helping them get involved in activities can make a huge difference.

Amanda Winstead

• Amanda is a freelance writer out of Portland focusing on many topics including educational technology. Along with writing she enjoys traveling, reading, working out, and going to concerts. If you want to follow her writing journey, or even just say hi you can find her on Twitter.

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Safe Ways to Encourage Kids to Play and Explore Outdoors by Emily Graham offers excellent advice for parents and teachers about getting kids outdoors for fresh air and exercise. It’s easy to just let them sit around inside and play computer games or watch TV, but with a little effort and this advice, you can make them healthier and more vibrant. Thanks, Emily.

Introduction

• Research shows that more of today’s modern kids are spending their time inside, and parents get to see this firsthand. Today’s kids are busy with their video games, computers, and gadgets, and they’re not getting the fresh air, sunshine, and physical activity they need as a result. Dr. Doug Green shares some ways to encourage your kids to get outside and play safely, and get them out of the house.

Help Them Hunt for Treasure

• Turn outdoor exploration into a fun treasure hunt and make a game out of it. Try an idea from Momtastic and make a list of flowers, plants, trees, birds, and bugs that can be found in your own backyard or in close proximity. Have kids take a photo or draw a sketch of each of these items to add it to their list of found treasures. This is an observation-only event, so kids can use just their eyes to find treasures rather than poking their fingers into strange holes or trying to pluck plants. Kids will end up learning more about the natural world, and have fun doing it.

Stage a Backyard Camping Trip

• You don’t have to go on a road trip to enjoy camping. Set up a tent in your own backyard, lay out some sleeping bags and stage a fun camping adventure that will be much simpler than actually heading out on the road to find a campsite. You can easily keep an eye on the kids while they have their backyard adventure. Give them some fun snack items like trail mix, and stuff to play with like balls and jump ropes. This will keep kids outside instead of glued to their video games.

Just Add Bubbles

• Pretty much every kid loves to play with bubbles, and they can stay busy for hours outdoors having fun with this activity. Mix up your own bubble solution using ordinary dishwashing soap and glycerin, according to What to Expect. Make a bubble wand out of a bent coat hanger, and kids can make enormous bubbles for hours and hours. They’ll have fun blowing bubbles, chasing them around, and seeing how many bubbles they can make.

Build Some DIY Bird Feeders Together

• Make some bird feeders with the kids, and encourage them to watch the birds that come to enjoy your DYI project. You can even turn this into a learning project, and get your kids a book on different birds so they can look up the feathered friends who visit. You don’t need much to make a bird feeder. In fact, an old shoe will work. Take the shoe and nail it directly to a tree or a post. Fill it with birdseed, and watch your avian visitors enjoy their meals. If you’re more creative, you can make a bird feeder out of almost anything, from an old cup and saucer to a used wine bottle.

Outside Safety Tips

• Keep kids safe when they play outdoors by taking some simple safety measures. First, don’t get a trampoline. They cause horrible accidents frequently and should only be used under careful supervision for training and exercise — not recreation. Second, don’t let your kids wear drawstring clothing. Drawstrings are accidents begging to happen because they can come untied and get snagged, cause kids to trip, and get hung up on toys and playground equipment. Thirdly, make sure all your playground equipment is totally safe. It should only be on a soft surface, not hard decking or concrete, and safely away from tall buildings, trees and structures.
• Make sure your kids stay on your property by installing a fence to surround your yard. Fence companies charge an average of $4,500 to install a fence, but peace of mind is priceless. Before hiring a fence installer, it’s a good idea to review customer feedback and ratings. Always get three estimates and make sure the company is insured and licensed.
• Most importantly, keep an eye on your kids when they’re outside. Outdoor play is healthy and good for children, but it can be dangerous. Monitor your kids and take steps to make sure they’re staying safe. You can’t prevent every accident, but there is a lot you can do to make sure your kids avoid accidents and injuries when they’re outside. (Doug: Consider getting a camera or two so you can see your backyard from a TV or computer.)

Photo Credit Pexels.com

Emily Graham

• Emily is the creator of MightyMoms.Net. She believes being a mom is one of the hardest jobs around and wanted to create a support system for moms from all walks of life. On her site, she offers a wide range of info tailored for busy moms — from how to reduce stress to creative ways to spend time together as a family. You can email her at emilygraham@mightymoms.net. She lives in Arizona.

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